Last year around this time I was depressed, devastated, confused and angry as I dealt with recovering from a second miscarriage in a matter of months and wondering if I would ever get the chance to be a new mom again. You can read about that experience here. http://mahanamomma.blogspot.com/2010/01/ache.html. I knew in my heart that my family was not complete. I would call everyone to the dinner table and then look around to see who was missing. I would count the heads and everyone was there ~ and yet I knew that someone was absent. But what else could I do?
My loving Father answered the prayers of my heart and here I sit, a year later, five weeks away from giving birth to baby #5. My feet are swollen, my back hurts and my skin is stretched tight over my bulging abdomen. I am tired but sleep is uncomfortable. I worry about money and space and time constraints. I miss wearing jeans and bending over effortlessly to pick toys up off the floor.
But, most of all, I am oh, so grateful. I hurry to squelch any murmer of complaint as I marvel at the new life inside of me. As I feel this baby move and kick. As my children place little hands on my belly, hoping to feel this new sibling flutter against their palms. A sweet boy puts his mouth close to my skin and says, "Hi there, I am your big brother." I so look forward to meeting this new little one. To holding her...or him...and kissing him...or her...and basking in the little piece of heaven that a new baby brings into a home.
Our extended family's motto for the new year is WAIT UPON THE LORD. Don't be a weight to him, standing in the way and hindering his design, fighting against his plan. Instead, ask him for what you want and then live your life in the best way you can to make you worthy of those blessings he sees fit to give. Submit your will and your faith to his plan in his time, even if it isn't exactly what you asked for. And I know that sometimes it won't be. Be true to him and then wait for his promise.
Indeed.
His plans for us exceed our best design and all he asks is our faith, our obedience, our trust in his perfect love. He holds miracles aplenty that he wants to use to bless our lives ~ I can't wait to greet this one.
3 comments:
Very well said! We are so excited for you and your family. What a wonderful blessing from the Lord to welcome a new little one into your family. Can't wait to meet him or her!!!
I never knew. I read your old post and looked at the date and noticed that you posted that five days before Emery's birthday. I know how hard it must have been for you, After Quinn passed away and we were blessed with twins, I thought that it was Heavenly Father blessing me becasue he took one back home. But not the case, she passed away and I so wanted her, I wanted twins and all the concerns and sleepless nighta and figurung out how to nurse two babies at a time and buying matching outfits. I wanted that! and I didn't think I was being selfish because I had already lost one. It's only been years of patience and (maybe) maturing and growing in my testimony to know that God has a reason. I still don't know why Quinn had to die and I don't know why Baylee couldn't have joined our family. But I do Know that there was a reason and someday, I will be with them again.
Maybe the reason, right now, is for me to have a reason to "stay the course".
I'm sorry, I've rambled on, but I just want you to know that I love you and 'm so glad that we're cousins and that I can catch up on a little of your life through this blog.
Congratulations and we can't wait to hear- over the phone- anout the new little one. :)
I really should slow down and look at what I'm writing sometimes. My mind is always just going so much faster than my fingers can type correctly.
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