A story of obedience

About six months ago there was a special Relief Society fireside held in Twin Falls. Board members from Salt Lake came and spoke to the whole region. One of the speakers said something that pricked my heart. She said, "Don't let the distractions of daily life become bad habits." As soon as she said it I thought of the time I waste on the internet, particularly on facebook. It is just so easy to glance at it several times a day as the kids are working on school or I am working at the computer. It satisfies my seemingly unnatural preoccupance with other people's lives and gives me a chance to easily stay connected to scattered family and friends.

It also easily eats up my time.

So I came home from the meeting and taped the quote to my computer as a reminder. There. I was following the prompting I received. I was reminding myself not to waste too much time on the computer.

Well, the reminder didn't work so well. I told myself that I had to check facebook, blogs, emails before 9:00 a.m. when we start school. But I still wasted time on the computer every single day. As a girl who thrives on feedback, I would update my status and then check repeatedly to see who had what to say about what I had to say. After a couple of months, the little quote fell off of my computer and was lost.

Over the course of the last few months I have thought a lot about how busy we are as a family and how I wish I could slow down our pace. I have wondered what things we could cut out to make more time in our days. Dance lessons? Part time jobs? During the last general conference I noticed how many times we were admonished to simplify our lives and make time for things that matter most. Sheri Dew said something that struck a chord with me and I posted it on my fridge. "We no longer have the luxury of spending our energy on anything that does not bring us and our family closer to Christ."

The direction this should be heading may be so obvious as you read, but I didn't make the connection. After all, the whole reason I joined a social network was for the connection it provided of love and support and information at a time when far-away family needed prayers and help. Facebook became a gateway for building family relations and being there for one another despite the miles and years that separated us. It made me close to those I hadn't been close to in years and fostered a greater love for my extended family. It also allowed me to reconnected with old friends and rebuild friendships that I thought were gone forever. I clearly saw that as a gift from Heaven and an answer to prayer. How could that be bad? That certainly wasn't a waste of time. Sure, nowadays I mainly logged on and was met with comments badmouthing the current government or checked out who wore what on their cruise to the Bahamas, but still...

Then, a few weeks ago, I received messages from two close friends saying that they had deleted their facebook accounts and to please make sure I had their email addresses, cell phone numbers, etc. so we could still stay in touch. Oh yeah, people did used to use those things to communicate, didn't they?

In the weeks that followed, as I did my early-morning study, I began to run across things like this: "Today I raise an apostolic voice of warning about the potentially stifling, suffocating, suppressing, and constraining impact of some kinds of cyberspace interactions and experiences upon our souls...Please be careful of becoming so immersed and engrossed in pixels, texting, ear buds, twittering, online social networking, and potentially addictive uses of media and the Internet that you fail to recognize the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person‐to‐person communication."

And this: "It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families. I think most of us intuitively understand how important the fundamentals are. It is just that we sometimes get distracted by so many things that seem more enticing. Printed material, wide-ranging media sources, electronic tools and gadgets -- all helpful if used properly -- can become hurtful diversions or heartless chambers of isolation. If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most."

So I guess maybe it is bad to secretly want your husband to stop talking to you about his day so that you can check your page. And maybe, when your child asks you to read them a story, they shouldn't have to wait ten minutes while you update your status.

I mulled over the thought of deleting my account. I asked myself if I really thought that this was a message from God or if I was just being dramatic. I thought about disciplining myself to only get on occasionally. Then I thought, "I need to stay on until I have my baby so that I can let everyone know when it arrives" (I have never announced another birth via facebook and have seen a fair share of faux paus when individuals posted news to their social network a bit too early) and then, "I will stay on until my birthday ~ I love all the birthday wishes that I wouldn't even get otherwise."

Today at church we had a special discussion led by a member of the bishopric. It was all about choosing a challenge ~ one thing to work on that would make me a better person, that would simplify my life and leave more room for those things that matter most. Someone said that the most important commandment was the one that we were struggling with the most, whatever that may be for each individual. Well, it wasn't hard to see that this was certainly what I was struggling with the most. Not wanting to give up. Wanting to justify that it wasn't wrong and that it was something that I could control. Do I think social networking is wrong? No, I love it! It has blessed my life. Do I have faith that the Lord has better things to fill my life and time with if I am willing to give up this time-waster? I want to. "The recognition of the need to change must be greater than the luxury of staying the same." But the same is not looking so bad... "Great souls have wills: feeble souls have wishes." I want to be a great soul. And if I quiet all my excuses and justifications, I really believe that God has been working on me, gently letting me know what I can do to free up more time, to rejoice more in this great life of mine, to be a better parent, a better friend, to be more successful in the things that really matter. All those things that I have been praying for. But what a great hold Satan can have on us to hang on to our favorite little things, unwillingly to let go and follow the promptings the Lord sends us in answer to our own prayers!

So I am taking a deep breath and logging on to figure out how to delete my account, right now, before I even have time to think of a clever status update or to go through the list of my 312 very close facebook friends. :) I think the days ahead will hold time for more stories, better meals, more face-to-face conversations, and who knows what else the Lord has in store?

disclaimer: please do not think, if you are one of my facebooking friends, that I in any way think this must apply to you. I don't think facebook is evil (I have been its strong supporter in several heated debates on the matter) and many people are able to manage their time and are not quite so curious about other people's lives as I am. In fact, it might be important that you don't quit your own facebooking. I will likely need an inside source to tell me all the news that I am missing for awhile. I feel strongly that this is what the Lord wants me to do to make my life better and make me a better person but I am pretty sure I will also need a support group. So feel free to call, email, come visit, bring food...